COPING WITH COMPARISON AS A CREATIVE
Before we get started: This post was originally shared with my email community in March 2021. Click here if you’d like to subscribe. You’ll also receive access to my library of free resources.
Let me tell you a story…
This isn’t the letter I was going to write this week.
But just as one of my wonderfully wise photography business mentoring clients pointed out, in saying that she couldn’t write a blog post that she didn’t feel connected to, I too feel the same about these letters.
So here goes…
I’m around 9 years old, sitting in the back of the car with my sister. We’re deep in a heated argument. There’s an umbrella at home that she says is blue and I say is purple. I know I’m right. We’re locked in a battle of wills. It feels frustrating and annoying that she won’t concede.
Then as quickly as the argument rises, away it falls. A wash of calm floods my core as I realise, I don’t have to participate in this discussion. I don’t have to convince anyone of anything. I can just know what I know and anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome. I leave my sister to her monologue as the courage of my conviction continues to spread. I gaze out the window, merrily thinking of other, more fruitful things.
That was the day I discovered that I don’t really care to compete.
As a fully grown adult of 39 years, I now find that social media occasionally brings out this same desire to detach and gaze out of the window. Being online this past couple of weeks has felt a little noisier than usual, and it’s no good for a sensitive heart.
Do you know what I love most about writing to you? The fact that it feels like a hushed space. An intimate chat. It can take days for the words to form in full and I like that. When I make quality over quantity, I feel my feet on steady ground.
And I think I do my best work when I pretend no one is watching. Creating from the heart and sharing later. And when I write to you, I’m genuinely not expecting a response, so it’s always always a lovely surprise when I get one :)
““Expectation is the root of all heartache””
Some people are really good at showing up confidently day after day, they excel when it comes to bold visibility. Stepping out of their comfort zone is something that’s done after a power pose in the morning, while I’m still sipping my tea and watching the morning light spill over the slats. And when I put myself in loud spaces, I just can’t/don’t want to compete. And not only do I want to gaze out the window, but I start to feel inadequate and a little down on myself too.
And if we’re really honest, I don’t think any of us are truly immune from the curse of comparison.
Resilience is a value I hold close to my heart but it wasn’t always this way. It’s developed over the last two years through creativity, reflection, therapy and personal growth. And I have my lost babies to thank for all of this.
But for me, resilience isn’t about pushing on regardless, ignoring my feelings and thrusting myself beyond the outer limits of the comfort zone day after day. Quite the opposite. Resilience starts with noticing how I’m feeling and then working out a plan to regroup, recover and move forward. And I try to do this with a kind and gentle approach. Because beating myself over how I’m feeling only makes it worse.
My 4 step approach for coping with comparison
Here’s what helps me when things feel off:
Taking my foot of the gas for a day or two
Spending a little time reflecting on what might be triggering me and dialling that down
Returning to my “lighthouses” - the artists and voices who remind me of why I started all this in the first place
Finding the spaces that bring out the best in me, and spending more time there
It seems to me that creativity is a glowing ember that needs to be protected. Holding it gently in our hands, healthy boundaries feel essential. Maybe viewing it this way makes me too sensitive but I’m guessing you knew this about me already.
So this why I don’t spend heaps of time engaging with others online. As much as I love the community, I do find it all a bit overwhelming. And I need to create spaces that work for me. Ones that help, rather than hinder my creativity.
And I’ve been doing this long enough to know that we get to choose how we want to show up. Loud, quiet, fast or slow, there’s room for all of us in our own delightful way.
It’s tempting to think that you have to be big and bold in order to succeed, but I’m happily learning that this isn’t the case. For example, if “loud” marketing techniques and secret formulas don’t speak to you as a consumer, therein lies the proof that there isn’t just one way of doing things. What a relief eh? And in all honesty, the best way is often the one that feels right for you. It’s the one most likely to help you stay the course.
“All advice is autobiographical”
Step off the treadmill…
Someone said to me recently that even though they weren’t shooting client work right now, they felt the need to “stay visible” on Instagram. This made me kind of sad. I didn’t react at the time, but those words have stayed with me and actually encouraged me to do the exact opposite this past week.
I’ve never regretted time away from the treadmill: creating for process over product, allowing myself to shoot and play without expectation. Dipping into my favourite photo books instead of social media, curating a pot of inspiration that looks nothing like anyone else’s. Chipping away at those big picture goals that move my business forward in meaningful ways. Doing that this week has renewed my faith in the path that I’m on.
Succumbing to comparison and allowing ourselves to get swept up in what everyone else is doing, our vision and ideas can become diluted. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a hundred versions of the same thing. I want to see the real you, and where you truthfully are on your journey. This feels like it matters more.
S x
Too good not to share:
How to stay in your lane as a creative
The Photographer who deleted his social media with 1.5 million followers