BUDDHIST MEDITATION FOR BEGINNERS
When I started this blog six months ago, it was really just intended to be a creative outlet for my grief. To share the things that most help me on my parenting after loss journey. Trauma from the stillbirth of my son 4 years ago left it’s mark and unfortunately, NHS counselling never really cut it for me. In December 2018, another traumatic loss left me struggling to come up for air. Depression and anxiety are never far from my door but as time goes on, I’m getting better at being able to sense when the black dog is coming for me.
There are certain things I try to do as part of my daily practice, creativity forming a large part of it. Writing, photography and music take me out of myself in the best way possible. I’m not sure what it is exactly about creative immersion that is so transformative but it’s the one thing that never fails to help.
A few weeks after I attended my son’s funeral in 2015, the dust was beginning to settle and I found myself struggling more than ever. It was at this point that a friend reached out and insisted I join him on a course at London Buddhist Centre in Bethnal Green. It was a Buddhist meditation course. He thought it might help. I was a little skeptical but too tired to argue, so I went.
I can’t quite put into words what it feels like to transcend but I will say that for me, the experience can be powerful enough for tears to stream as if from nowhere. At first I was shocked and surprised by the intensity of it all and not ashamed to admit I was a little afraid of the can of worms opening within.
The more I practised the easier it got. My soul softened and even my darkest emotions felt lighter. I found genuine gratitude amongst the despair and a connection to something far bigger than myself. Film-maker David Lynch recently spoke with Russell Brand on his Under the Skin podcast and had this to say regarding the experience of transcending everyday:
“This expansion of consciousness is the expansion of intelligence, creativity, happiness, love, energy, power and peace. So, if you get a person meditating every day, transcending everyday, and they're growing in these all positive qualities. The side effect is that negativity starts to recede from their life”
With all this mind, I’d like to share with you some of the mediation practices that I turn to. I am by no means an expert, just someone who strives to find light in the dark and share it with others when I can.
How to start
I’ve used the Headspace app in the past. It’s great for making meditation accessible for all so I’d highly recommend trying it out if you haven’t already. Headspace currently has over 20million users so they must be doing something right!
The most useful thing I took from the app was a fantastic analogy relating to how we can guide our minds when all they want to do is run away during meditation. It’s so common. You sit down with good intentions but after a minute or two your mind starts wandering: “did I take the washing out?” “I wonder if I should move some extra money across for bills this weekend?” All of these annoying thoughts seem set to veer us off our path. I find this sort of stuff plagues me more when I’ve been on my phone too much. My brain just seems to run faster and faster on a constant scroll.
Headspace paints a picture of the mind being a lot like a wild horse, running around a field on a long rope. So, you start to meditate, you reign in your wild horse a little. A distraction comes into your mind so you need to allow a little slack, let your horse run free somewhat. That’s ok, you’re still holding the rope. You can allow these thoughts to come into your mind, acknowledge them then politely ask them to leave. Gently send them on their way so you can get back to your mediation. Over time, you’ll get better at training your wild horse, the rope will get shorter as you reign it in and you won’t need to let it out quite so much. Trust in the power of repetition. We can master almost anything so long as we’re willing to keep trying over time.
PRACTICE
Mindfulness of Breathing
As Andy Puddicombe, co- founder of Headspace says:
“The more we talk about mediation, the further we move away from the experience. But there has to be signposts, there has to be guidance”
I definitely find my mind is much less erratic when I have a task to keep me on track. As its name implies, the ‘Mindfulness of Breathing’ uses the breath as an object of concentration. By focusing on the breath, you become aware of the mind’s tendency to jump from one thing to another.
Mindfulness of breathing is also a good antidote to restlessness and anxiety, and a good way to relax. Concentration on the breath has a positive effect on your entire physical and mental state.
How to
Sit on a chair, with your legs unfolded and lay your hands gently in your lap. Try to keep good, comfortable posture. Failing that, you can sit on the floor with your legs crossed and your hands in your lap. Again, try to maintain good, comfortable posture.
This practice comes in 4 stages and it’s best to aim for around 5 minutes for each stage:
In the first stage, use counting to stay focused on the breath. Slowly breathe in and out then count “one”, breathe in and out again and count “two”. Repeat up to ten and then start from the beginning again.
This stage is a subtle shift from the first. This time you count “one” and then steadily breathe in and out. Count “two”, then breathe in and out. Repeat up to ten and then start from the beginning again.
In this third stage, drop the counting but instead notice the rise and fall of the chest/stomach. For a deeper, more mindful experience, I try to encourage my breath to move my stomach instead of my chest.
The fourth stage is intended for a narrower, sharper concentration. As you breathe in and out, notice the sensation on the tip of the nose where the breath first enters and leaves.
Although aiming for around 5 minutes for each stage, you can repeat the four steps as much as you wish. For a beginner though, it might be a challenge to practise the stages more than once.
The Five Stages of Metta Bhavana
(loving kindness meditation)
Metta Bhavana is about cultivating an emotion, something you feel in your heart. Metta means ‘love’ (non-romantic), friendliness, or kindness and Bhavana means development. There are five stages of this practice and it’s best to aim for around 5 minutes for each stage.
1. Yourself - In the first stage, you feel metta for yourself. Try to become aware of yourself, and focus on feelings of peace, calm, and tranquillity. Then you let these grow in to feelings of strength and confidence, and then develop into love within your heart. Repeat the words in your mind:
“May I be well,
may I be happy,
may I be free from suffering ,
may I progress”
This repetition is a way of encouraging the feelings of metta for yourself.
2. A friend- As you did to encourage feelings of metta for yourself, now do this for a friend. Picture them in your mind with those same positive thoughts and feelings and repeat the words with the subtle change:
“May he/she be well,
may he/she be happy,
may he/she be free from suffering,
may he/she progress”
3. An acquaintance- Repeat the practise for an acquaintance. Someone you have neutral feelings for. Include them in your feelings of metta, using the words to anchor your practice.
4. Someone you dislike- This one can be tough because you need to think of someone you’re having trouble getting along with and include them in your feelings of metta. Repeating those same words with positivity for that person.
5. Everyone. Now using the words “may they be well, may they be happy…” think of all four people together and the wider world. Extend your feelings of loving kindness to all and then gradually relax out of meditation, bringing your practice to an end.
To step into the right frame of mind, it can help to attend organised mediation on a regular basis. If you live in East London, I’d have no hesitation in recommending the London Buddhist centre. They hold classes, mediation sessions as well as organised retreats. It’s such a calm and welcoming space and The Shrine Room is truly something to behold. You can find their website here and watch the video below if you’d like to find out more.
One of the most valuable lessons from my time spent at LBC is that negative memories become less threatening when they are explored in a controlled, calm environment. As someone who has struggled with PTSD, meditation has been one of the most useful tools at my disposal. Before I started, I had no idea it could be so helpful.
Just to stress again, I don’t profess to be any kind of expert in mediation. I’m just keen to share the practices that help me.
Suzie x
(thumbnail image kindly provided by Zoltan Tasi via Unsplash)